Sitting here in the quietness, my heart begins to stir as I hold my breath, full of hope . . . hardly daring to move lest this new fragile reality somehow breaks and shatters into nothing.
Amazement washes over me, unbelief . . . excitement . . . but then once again, unbelief.
Two pregnancy tests lie on my bed, both, positive.
All in one heart-stopping, milestone moment the world spins on this wide-eyed girl, who, just one year ago, was one great big pause inside, lost in the significance of it all as wedding magazines covered the floor, and 21 years of living were being sorted, thrown, or packed and hauled away to a new place. One year ago, I watched as my dad found room in the trailer to slide in one last box of memories and close the doors, latching them securely. I turned around in the darkness of the early morning drive, and choked up as I watched my childhood home appear smaller and smaller through the backseat window.
But now the world spins and all the many milestones in life are shifting from the perspective of being one’s child to bearing one’s own, the circle of life making its way around yet again; the clock ticking on as generation after generation is born, matures, and bears its own; Satan walking about seeking whom he may devour, the eyes of the Lord RUNNING, searching for that one whose heart is perfect towards Him.
Time has swept ever so quickly behind me, leaving behind a wonderful year of young love for the scrapbook in my heart, and presenting yet another remarkable and beautiful chapter. The dawn of this new season in life is shining brighter and more beautifully as I allow my heart to believe . . . I am a mother.